


Waiting Time - Sam

by Jena Bartley (jenab)



Series: Moments In Time [3]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 11:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenab/pseuds/Jena%20Bartley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam’s thoughts on Jack as she waits for him in "The Fifth Race"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting Time - Sam

TITLE: Waiting Time-Sam

AUTHOR: Jena Bartley 

DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM, World Gekko Corp., and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

SUMMARY: Sams thoughts on Jack as she waits for him in "The Fifth Race"

SERIES/SEQUEL: Quiet Time and Grieving Time. See Authors Notes.

SPOILERS: Children of the Gods, First Commandment, The Enemy Within, First Season. Secrets, TokRa, The Fifth Race, In the Line of Duty, Second Season.

CATEGORY: Missing scene, Angst.

AUTHORS NOTES: I have decided to turn these stories into a series called "Moments in Time" since my muses insist on coming up with more ideas set along the lines of these stories. The only order for them, is when the episodes they are based on, aired on TV.

Feedback and constructive criticism is always appreciated.

DATE: 06/09/1999

 

I watch as my Colonel steps into the shimmering light of the stargate. As he disappears into it, I turn and run up the stairs to the control room. Lt. Graham Simmons flicks his eyes towards me as I settle into the chair beside him. My eyes go immediately to the computer tracking the colonel through the wormhole as Simmons sounds off, "Traveller still on route."

All eyes are on the computer, watching the blip that is Colonel Jack ONeill crossing the galaxy in mere seconds.

"Weve lost the traveller," Simmons announces, a moment later, with a quick glance at me. General Hammond looks to the stargate while I stare at the monitor, my heart pounding in my ears. By now, my colonel has either reached his destination or is dead. There is nothing more I can do for him, except pray and hope he arrives safely to where ever he is going. Pray and hope he will come back as himself, no longer consumed by the alien knowledge that has been taking over his mind and body. I turn my attention back to the task of trying to retake control of the bases computers. As my hands and mind are busy with the computers, a tiny part of me is left free to worry over my colonel.

My colonel. That is how Ive come to think of him. My colonel, my commanding officer, my friend and confidant. A man I trust with my life and heart. Tall, commanding, his hair greying, his brown eyes conveying so much of what he is feeling. Hiding behind a wall of sarcasm that protects his battered heart and emotions. Ive served under him for almost two years now and I couldnt image finding a better man to follow into hell.

Quite the change from when I first met him. Disdainful, contemptuous, sarcastic, smirking at me as I trade barbs with Ferretti and Kawalsky. He said he didnt like scientists, that he had no problems with me being a woman. I thought he was lying, that he was just another chauvinistic male officer intent on making my life hell, or at least mildly uncomfortable. I was used to that, hated it, but used to it. I knew I could tolerate it, had done so in the past and fully expected to do so in the future.

I remember thinking, just once I would like to have a CO who would respect me for my abilities and not my gender, to rely on me as an important and integral part of a team. Sometimes, I thought finding such a commanding officer was wishful thinking. Turns out my first impression of Jack was completely wrong and I couldnt be happier. Oh, hes still sarcastic, and disdainful of scientists. Hell roll his eyes at Daniel or myself or make some sarcastic comment when either of us, or both together, go off on a scientific tangent. But at the same time, he feels confidant enough in himself, his skills and his position to pull me aside and ask questions. Sometimes in a quiet whisper or with a small, rueful smile. It doesnt diminish him as my CO when he asks me to explain some scientific term to him. It only makes me respect him even more.

As he respects me and trusts me completely, both as his second in command and as a scientist. In fact, he trusts me so completely, he looks to me to always come up with a solution to whatever mess we are in. Im flattered and honoured by his faith in me. But sometimes, its too much, he expects me to always be the one to get the team out of a jam. When he looks to me, and demands I find a solution, I want to scream at him. He asks for too much, puts so much pressure on me. How can I be expected to always find a way out, to come up with the answer every single time? What happens when I cant, when my failure to do so harms the team, the base or whoever happens to be in the way? Will he still respect me, trust me, support me?

But then he looks at me, deliberately making eye contact and I see in his eyes that he knows he is asking the impossible. He asks because he trusts me to succeed, to not stop until I have exhausted every last resource at my disposal. In his eyes, I can see that if the day should come and I fail to find a way out, god forbid that day should ever come, I know he will still respect and trust me, that I tried my best.

His eyes can convey so much. Anger, sarcasm, faith, warmth, reassurance. Hes been through so much pain and torment in his life, blaming himself for the tragic loss of his son, losing Skaara, a boy who had become like another son to him, his marriage falling to pieces. Losing Kawalsky, a close friend and a man under his command, to the gouald. He hides behind a wall of sarcasm but his eyes always give him away. When I look into them, I see the pain that inhabits his soul, the guilt he feels over past decisions and actions. Over the past two years, Ive seen them become warmer, more relaxed as he opens up more to us, his teammates and friends. He will always feel guilt and pain but he no longer lets it rule his life as much.

As I sit here, waiting, wondering what has happened to him, I cant imagine never having the chance to gaze into those expressive brown eyes, to see my colonel and friend looking out at me. Sometimes, I even see my future lover in his eyes. I feel it in the touch of his hand as he hands my gun or backpack to me, the way we are able to find one another when we have become separated during a mission or on stand down. Daniel jokes about us being a lighting rod for each other and always makes sure Jack or I are in the lead when looking for the other.

I want him and he wants me. We both know it as we flirt with each other. It flows between us, drawing us to one another, sensitizing us to the others words and actions. Air Force regulations are the least of our concern. If it was just good old fashioned lust between us, we could ignore it. Instead, it goes deeper, my feelings for him are stronger then lust. We use regs as an excuse whenever someone asks why we arent lovers. Its not just because I want a black mark on my record if we are caught violating the rules that has stopped us from having an affair. What is between us has the feel of being lasting, something meant to endure. An affair is not what I want even if I was inclined towards having an affair with my commanding officer. Not to mention, Im not ready for a lasting relationship. Neither is Jack.

Jonas Hanson screwed up my belief in the kind of men I picked. He was controlling and demanding and I almost married him. After I ended the engagement, I took a long, hard look at myself. I have always been attracted to what I refer to as the lunatic fringe but this wasnt the type of man I wanted to marry or have a family with. When I first met Jack, I knew he was part of that fringe. Lately, he seems to be moving away from that. But its not enough for me. He has demons chasing him, weighted down by so much emotional baggage Im not ready or even capable of handling. I think he even knows this.

Then there is my encounter with Jolinar and all her memories taking up space in my mind. Most of the time, I can ignore them, pushing them back into the tiny corner of my mind I reserve for them. Then I met Martouf and her memories swarmed up, filling me with her love for this man and his symbiont. I cant separate them from my own feelings for him. Am I attracted to him, do I feel something for him or is it just Jolinars feelings and memories driving me, dictating my emotions and desires? I dont know, I just dont know. Its driving me crazy, trying to sort out my own emotions for Jack and what I feel for Martouf.

So for now, I indulge in stolen moments with my colonel. Enjoying the illicit feel of his hands as he washes me in the quiet of the locker room after a brutal mission, the comfort of his body and voice as he soothes my grief over my dying father. The touches and glances we exchange as we work together.

My thoughts scatter as I fully bring my attention back to the problem of regaining control of the computers. I can only pray Jack is alright and will be coming back. I turn to look at General Hammond standing next to me. "Were going to shut down the whole system down and reboot."

"Can we close the iris if necessary?" Concern and worry fill his voice.

I type in several commands. "Apparently not," I reply.

"Thats not good," Daniel mutters from behind me where he is standing with Tealc.

"Captain, I dont care what you have to do. I want control of this system back."

"Yes, Sir. Im trying." His frustration matches mine, tension filling the control room as I struggle to take back control of the computers.

A familiar sound, the hum of the stargate coming alive, calls our attention to the alien object. My eyes flick across to one of the monitors. "We have an incoming wormhole." My voice is calm and even, revealing nothing of the sudden hope flaring within me. Hope and anticipation echoed by the other people in the control room.

With a whoosh, the wormhole is established, the gateroom guards aiming their weapons at the shimmering light. My colonel steps out. Hammond lets out a sigh of relief as my head lowers briefly in joy before I look up, gazing at Jack. He walks down the ramp, his stance relaxed and unguarded. The wormhole closes behind him as Daniel and Tealc head down to the gateroom to great him. I remain behind, occupied with the computers. "Everything seems to be back online, sir, including the iris."

"Good work, Captain." Hammond praises me. I look up at him, smiling and nodding briefly in response to his praise.

Turning back to the scene before me, I listen to Daniel and Tealc talking to Jack. The alien knowledge formerly consuming him, is gone. Talking to the others, the colonel looks relaxed, happy, his brown eyes more open and warmer then I have ever seen from him. There is a sense of peace and contentment radiating from him as he smiles at Daniel and Tealc. Raising his eyes, he gazes at me through the window. Joy, warmth and love fill his eyes and I return his smile, overjoyed to see him. Reality vanishes between us for one brief moment as we lose ourselves in each others eyes. Then he is drawn away by Daniel as Im called back to the computers by a question from one of the technicians, reality gently flowing back over us once again.

END

 


End file.
